All The Things Said

I don't even know where to begin with this one. I've had so much bottled up inside, so much hiding, I just don't know where to start. I'm at a stressful point in my life. Having to decide which path I want to take with my life and where I want to go. Do I want to just take an easier life and just sit back or do I want to push myself and go as far as I can go? Who do I want to take with me when I go? So many questions that need to be asked, and so many steps that need to be walked, but yet nobody seems to be able to anwser them for me. My feet just seem to stop, unable to move an inch, unable to part the way for the rest of me. But yet, my mind, usually clear is fogged by all the things thrown at me all at once. I can't see two inches in front of my face blinded by... well... just... everything.

I want and so desperately wish that I could just escape it all, or travel to an ulternate universe where things are just okay. There's no problems and no worries; everything works out just like it needs to be.

"Here I am, once again,
I'm torn into pieces.
Can't deny it, can't pretend.
Just thought you were the one.
Broken up, deep inside.
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes"
Everyday I'm put through so many things that I shouldn't have to be put through. I'm forced to deal with things that any normal person wouldn't even dream of. It's so complex, so hard to figure out. It's as if life pulls me in chews me up and then spits me back out. Each time eating something more of me to cause me more pain. First it's my touch with reality, then it's my common sense... What's next, my heart? My mind? When does it all end? When am I finally able to spread my wings and fly away? Some times, all I wish, is that I can just fly away from this miserable life and go to a place where things have a tendacy to look up.

I guess I should sit back and lok at the good things in my life. I have a loving family, friends who would do anything for me, a boyfriend who is there for me no matter what, people who have a positive out look on life. I have not only the basics like food and shelter, but pretty much everything else I've ever wanted. Even after everything I have, I can't help but sit back and want more. I can't help but look around corners hoping that there is something more for me instore. I want to go places, I want to see things. I want to be able to build something for myself. I want... anything and everything I could ever work for to achieve. Material possessions mean nothing to me when I can gain so much more emotionally.

I guess what I really want here is to figure out what I'm supposed to do in life and how I'm supposed to do it. That includes everything long term from collage to the family I could have, but also right now. What is it I want to do now that could help me... Help me get what I want.