All The Things Said

I don't even know where to begin with this one. I've had so much bottled up inside, so much hiding, I just don't know where to start. I'm at a stressful point in my life. Having to decide which path I want to take with my life and where I want to go. Do I want to just take an easier life and just sit back or do I want to push myself and go as far as I can go? Who do I want to take with me when I go? So many questions that need to be asked, and so many steps that need to be walked, but yet nobody seems to be able to anwser them for me. My feet just seem to stop, unable to move an inch, unable to part the way for the rest of me. But yet, my mind, usually clear is fogged by all the things thrown at me all at once. I can't see two inches in front of my face blinded by... well... just... everything.

I want and so desperately wish that I could just escape it all, or travel to an ulternate universe where things are just okay. There's no problems and no worries; everything works out just like it needs to be.

"Here I am, once again,
I'm torn into pieces.
Can't deny it, can't pretend.
Just thought you were the one.
Broken up, deep inside.
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes"
Everyday I'm put through so many things that I shouldn't have to be put through. I'm forced to deal with things that any normal person wouldn't even dream of. It's so complex, so hard to figure out. It's as if life pulls me in chews me up and then spits me back out. Each time eating something more of me to cause me more pain. First it's my touch with reality, then it's my common sense... What's next, my heart? My mind? When does it all end? When am I finally able to spread my wings and fly away? Some times, all I wish, is that I can just fly away from this miserable life and go to a place where things have a tendacy to look up.

I guess I should sit back and lok at the good things in my life. I have a loving family, friends who would do anything for me, a boyfriend who is there for me no matter what, people who have a positive out look on life. I have not only the basics like food and shelter, but pretty much everything else I've ever wanted. Even after everything I have, I can't help but sit back and want more. I can't help but look around corners hoping that there is something more for me instore. I want to go places, I want to see things. I want to be able to build something for myself. I want... anything and everything I could ever work for to achieve. Material possessions mean nothing to me when I can gain so much more emotionally.

I guess what I really want here is to figure out what I'm supposed to do in life and how I'm supposed to do it. That includes everything long term from collage to the family I could have, but also right now. What is it I want to do now that could help me... Help me get what I want.

Loving You

Sigh, I tell you one thing.. When you really like somebody... It makes life difficult. I mean, everything is great, but the difficult part is not seeing each other enough. I want to be in his arms at all the timees I can't be, and the times I can be... are not enough. Why can't I win? Oh wel.. Maybe someday I can and I'll be able to see him whenever I want....

"Thank You"
Led Zep.
If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my all, Kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong, together we shall go until we die.
My, my, my. An inspiration is what you are to me, inspiration, look... see.

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness....I'm glad. If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea,
there will still be you and me.

What is love?

What is love you ask? Is it a feeling or is it just a word. A word used to describe something.
I don't know what it is...
All I know is
I think I have found it...

Another Day, Another Chat

Well, Here I am. Once again. Had another chat with that friend. He didn't sleep last night. I knew he wouldn't. If anything emotional happens, he won't. Always been that way. It's wierd how you can know somebody like the back of your hand and be able to predict what their thinking. It makes some things easier, but in this case, confusing. I know this person so well that it just makes things wierd anymore. What the heck do I do when a situation comes up that I just can't respond to? They're going to know why I"m not responding, their going to know what I was going to say, or do. It's just wierd.
And another thing. The fact that we're all connected by one person, and that one being me, just totally sucks. I don't know what the heck I should do, or even what I should say to that one. How do I tell so many people that I'm just not interested, that I just don't want to be involved in their lives the way they want? It is a burden that I carry, one that I do not wish to carry, but seen as I must do this alone. It has made me many times wiser than I was before. That tis' the good thing that has become of it, but to do deal with this is something you shouldn't have to.

Laying Deep

Talking to one of my dear friends one night, and discussing our past and current relationship, he gave me a quote.
"If you broke up that long ago, and you still cant keep from thinking of her, and still care enough to have a tear brought to your eye, dude, I`m sorry, your not whipped, you could be in love...."
I do believe that it is possible to love so much you just can't live without them, but to run so deep that there is nothing left in your heat, no room for anything else, is it possible? Just think on it.